Fear of Becoming Older

 Fear of Becoming Older

Dedicated to my mom, Robbin Edmonds

🌹 Sunrise: April 15,1963 | Sunset: June 29, 2006 🌹

Mom, it’s been 19 years—June 29, 2006, feels like yesterday. I lost my best friend, and the pain still lingers. I miss you so much. You never had the chance to meet my children—your grandkids—or see me chase my dreams. You were such an amazing woman. You died too soon, only 43 years old, before you could truly live the life you deserved.

I was just 21. I still needed you then, and honestly, I still need you now.

But I smile when I see the things you taught me showing up in my life. Sometimes I pause and say, “Wow, I remember Mom told me about this.” That brings me joy. I hope I’m making you proud. I know you’re watching over me. Rest well, Mom. I’ll see you when I’m done down here.

Love you forever,

Taji

When my mom died, my biggest fear was not living past 43. I feared dying young like her—before I could become successful, before I could leave an inheritance for my children. I feared being too sick by 40 to take care of them. The day after her funeral, I gave birth to my oldest son, and my sisters and I were homeless. I had no direction, no guidance—just grief, survival, and confusion.

Fear ruled my life for a long time. I wasted years worrying instead of living. I didn’t enjoy my youth because I was too busy being afraid. And now I look back and wonder… What was I so afraid of? I could have been doing what I’m doing now years ago—writing, dreaming, building.

God gave me a vision long ago to write and share my testimony, but I let fear and excuses slow me down. I told myself I needed to work hard, save money, then start writing. But I’m still in the same place financially—making more than before but still paycheck to paycheck and still fighting for the same dream.

But today is different.

Now I’m ready to live. I believe God is giving me extra time on my clock, and I want to use it wisely. I want the next 40 years to be full of joy, faith, and peace. I’m excited again. I believe this is my time!

God’s Promise for Every Season of Life

“Listen to Me,” [says the Lord], “O house of Jacob,

And all the remnant of the house of Israel,

You who have been carried by Me from your birth

And have been carried [in My arms] from the womb,

Even to your old age I am He,

And even to your advanced old age I will carry you!

I have made you, and I will carry you;

Be assured I will carry you and I will save you.”

— Isaiah 46:3–4 AMP

Read it here

This scripture reminds me that I’ve never been alone. God has been carrying me from the very beginning, and He’s not letting go now. Even into old age—He will carry and save me. That brings comfort like nothing else.

A Word to the Younger Generation (and to my younger self):

“Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator.

Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, ‘Life is not pleasant anymore.’ …

Remember your Creator now while you are young…

For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.”

— Ecclesiastes 12:1–7 NLT

Read full passage

If I could go back and talk to my 21-year-old self, I would say:

“Don’t waste time in fear. Don’t wait to chase your dreams. Remember God now—He is the one who will carry you, protect you, and sustain you.”

Let’s Talk:

• In what ways do you wrestle with concerns about aging?
  
  
• How does Isaiah 46:3–4 speak to your heart?
  
  
• What dreams have you put on hold out of fear?
  
  

Drop a comment and let’s encourage one another. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late. God is still writing your story.