Fear of Becoming Older

 Fear of Becoming Older

Dedicated to my mom, Robbin Edmonds

🌹 Sunrise: April 15,1963 | Sunset: June 29, 2006 🌹

Mom, it’s been 19 years—June 29, 2006, feels like yesterday. I lost my best friend, and the pain still lingers. I miss you so much. You never had the chance to meet my children—your grandkids—or see me chase my dreams. You were such an amazing woman. You died too soon, only 43 years old, before you could truly live the life you deserved.

I was just 21. I still needed you then, and honestly, I still need you now.

But I smile when I see the things you taught me showing up in my life. Sometimes I pause and say, “Wow, I remember Mom told me about this.” That brings me joy. I hope I’m making you proud. I know you’re watching over me. Rest well, Mom. I’ll see you when I’m done down here.

Love you forever,

Taji

When my mom died, my biggest fear was not living past 43. I feared dying young like her—before I could become successful, before I could leave an inheritance for my children. I feared being too sick by 40 to take care of them. The day after her funeral, I gave birth to my oldest son, and my sisters and I were homeless. I had no direction, no guidance—just grief, survival, and confusion.

Fear ruled my life for a long time. I wasted years worrying instead of living. I didn’t enjoy my youth because I was too busy being afraid. And now I look back and wonder… What was I so afraid of? I could have been doing what I’m doing now years ago—writing, dreaming, building.

God gave me a vision long ago to write and share my testimony, but I let fear and excuses slow me down. I told myself I needed to work hard, save money, then start writing. But I’m still in the same place financially—making more than before but still paycheck to paycheck and still fighting for the same dream.

But today is different.

Now I’m ready to live. I believe God is giving me extra time on my clock, and I want to use it wisely. I want the next 40 years to be full of joy, faith, and peace. I’m excited again. I believe this is my time!

God’s Promise for Every Season of Life

“Listen to Me,” [says the Lord], “O house of Jacob,

And all the remnant of the house of Israel,

You who have been carried by Me from your birth

And have been carried [in My arms] from the womb,

Even to your old age I am He,

And even to your advanced old age I will carry you!

I have made you, and I will carry you;

Be assured I will carry you and I will save you.”

— Isaiah 46:3–4 AMP

Read it here

This scripture reminds me that I’ve never been alone. God has been carrying me from the very beginning, and He’s not letting go now. Even into old age—He will carry and save me. That brings comfort like nothing else.

A Word to the Younger Generation (and to my younger self):

“Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator.

Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, ‘Life is not pleasant anymore.’ …

Remember your Creator now while you are young…

For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.”

— Ecclesiastes 12:1–7 NLT

Read full passage

If I could go back and talk to my 21-year-old self, I would say:

“Don’t waste time in fear. Don’t wait to chase your dreams. Remember God now—He is the one who will carry you, protect you, and sustain you.”

Let’s Talk:

• In what ways do you wrestle with concerns about aging?
  
  
• How does Isaiah 46:3–4 speak to your heart?
  
  
• What dreams have you put on hold out of fear?
  
  

Drop a comment and let’s encourage one another. You’re not too old, and it’s not too late. God is still writing your story.

Fix it Jesus!

 Fix it Jesus! 

My son and I got into an argument again, and it broke my heart. Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me. The way he talks to me… there’s so much anger in his voice. I know parents can annoy their kids, but sometimes it feels deeper than that — like he wishes I wasn’t around at all.

It hurts. I feel discouraged because I truly thought we were making progress. Then, just when I feel hopeful, we crash again into conflict.

Years ago, I used to pray over my boys constantly. I asked God to make them men of wisdom, strength, and kindness — men of integrity, godliness, and compassion. Somewhere along the way, though, I stopped. First, I got distracted with other things… then, I stopped praying altogether.

If I’m honest, I think it’s because I felt like I failed them.

My spiritual life has been up and down over the years. I keep wondering:

If I had been more consistent in prayer, would my sons be more stable now?

I’m afraid for my oldest. I feel like he’s headed toward a hard path — and as a mother, it’s so painful to watch. It’s like seeing a train wreck coming and being unable to move him out of the way.

I once prayed this simple prayer:

“God, I give up. Please take care of my son. Make him the man You need him to be.”

Today, I’m going back to that prayer. Not because I’ve figured it all out — but because I know that only Jesus can fix what’s broken.

Dear God,

Please help my son Emad become the man You need him to be. Give him strength to overcome the things in this world that are trying to destroy him. Remove the spirits of drugs and alcohol. Take away depression and anxiety, anger and bitterness. Cleanse his heart and his mind.

Remove anything in him that does not reflect You — the things Your Word warns us about:

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these.”

Galatians 5:19-21 (NLT)

Read on Bible.com

Instead, God, fill him with the fruit of Your Spirit:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

Read on Bible.com

Take control of Emad’s heart and mind so that he can hear You clearly and obey Your voice. Break every stronghold that is holding him captive. I pray that his thoughts would become obedient to Christ.

“We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NLT)

Read on Bible.com

God, I also lift up my younger son, Nephi. I believe, by faith, that both of my sons will live holy, righteous lives — not because they’re perfect, but because You are faithful. I believe You will break every generational curse trying to take root in our family and turn them into blessings.

“You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God… I lay the sins of the parents upon their children… But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.”

Exodus 20:5-6 (NLT)

Read on Bible.com

“He shows mercy from generation to generation to all who fear Him.”

Luke 1:50 (NLT)

Read on Bible.com

Where there are chains, let there be freedom.

Where there is rebellion, let there be obedience.

Where there is darkness, let Your light shine through.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

➡️If you’re a parent going through something like this, I want to remind you that you’re not alone. You are not a bad mom. You are not hopeless. You are not too late.

Even when your child is far from God — even when you feel broken — God is still writing your family’s story.

Keep praying. Keep showing up. Even when you feel weak, God is strong.

💬 Need prayer for your child? Leave their name in the comments or message me privately. I’d be honored to pray for them with you.

The Power of Being Invisible

 The Power of Being Invisible

The power of being invisible is one of the most fascinating abilities in fiction and myth. But I’ve come to understand it as a spiritual truth in my walk with God.

Sometimes, to heal and grow, we have to step away from the noise of the world. I’ve learned that when I remove distractions and make myself “invisible” to worldly things, God has more room to work in my life. He does His best work when He has my full attention.

I’m reminded of the woman in the Bible who suffered from bleeding for twelve years. She was considered unclean, hidden away, and overlooked—but she still reached out in faith to touch Jesus’ garment. And she was healed.

I can relate to her.

There was a time when I couldn’t even talk about my health—not even to God. I was ashamed and embarrassed. But as I grew stronger and began praying honestly, I felt healing—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I started stepping out again, and I love telling others that God is healing me. Because I believe in my healing, I don’t stress over what I can’t control. I’ve found peace.

“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”

— Matthew 6:6 (NKJV)

God sees you. Even when you feel invisible to others.

Even on your worst days.

Even when no one understands.

That’s what I remind myself when I feel unseen or forgotten: God sees me. And that’s enough. It’s powerful to know that He understands my heart, my pain, and my purpose—even when others don’t.

I’m praying every day that God heals me from the inside out. And even as I write this, I smile because I can feel it happening. Joy and peace fill my heart—even in the hard moments—because I know the pain is temporary. Healing is happening.

To anyone reading this who feels unseen or forgotten—know that you are never invisible to God. Keep believing. Keep praying. He’s working behind the scenes in ways you can’t yet see.

God bless you.

Want to read the full story of the woman who touched Jesus’ garment?

Read Luke 8:42–50 here

© 2025 Bold & Blunt for Christ by Taji Edmonds. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this blog post may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used without written permission. This content is for personal inspiration and spiritual growth only. Scripture quotations remain the property of their respective copyright holders.